When the Leaves Fall, the Trees Show Themselves

In the Midst of Fall

In the Midst of Fall

As I process the past three year journey of painting (which primarily centered itself around Art Porn), reflect on my being a small business owner of an art school for two of those years, as well as life changes revolving my family, I have entered a bit of an overload where everything is fuzzy enough to make me scratch my head: "what now?", really is my question.

I've been drawing neutral tone portraits in charcoal. The black and white drawings settle the information down into a smaller spectrum for me so I can focus on other details than what painting in color allows. It's going back to the basics and reviewing what you thought you knew but now you know better so are your results begin to show it. That's how you can really see improvement.

I haven't been able to focus on art making. I try but other priorities take over and I find it difficult as an artist to do my self appointed job while balancing all that's on my plate to meet the needs of family and general life. 

Keeping disciplined to make art is up there with going to the gym or keeping up with the yoga membership: you must be truly committed and that's the fork in the road. I keep taking the path that leads to making art a priority no matter how derailed I get. It's so damn difficult but I'm not a production machine and I have to remember that.  

Through some personal force to create something fun, I've begun a new sexy painting that might go into my next erotic collection, something I've not had desire to create since the Vegas show ended, or actually, since my last painting "Back It Up" back in June.  That's a depressing thought right there: that's 5 months of no sexual or erotic art making. I've been drawing faces and a cathedral, all in charcoal - shades of grey, black and white. (I'm just following intuition on that one) I felt though, inner pressure to break the colorless eroticless momentum if I even wanted to think about making another erotic art collection for the upcoming year, which I do.

Often there's a rubber band stretching act between the needs of the inner artist and the needs of Tatiana's reality. It has to be sorted before the snap.  Winter couldn't come at a better time to go inward for creativity and answers, new paths and ideas. In these months I produce the most art. Hopefully by spring I'll be pretty in pink with new great work to show from the fall and winter inspirations. 

A happy autumn to you all. I am prepping for hibernation painting and channeling my energy into the right places of thought and creativity.  I can only try my best to make some good art as I move forward. Follow me on Instagram for the latest snippets of art I create. 

Speechless and Zipless

I don't have anything to write about at this time but I feel the need to pop up from the beginnings of my winter hibernation before I am gone too long.  It's autumn and the need to hide out at home painting is a primal one for me. Safe. Stocked. Comfortable.  

The entire Las Vegas experience, along with its tragic events of the mass shooting recently feel like a surreal whirlwind of really heavy emotional shit.  The season is just right in its hibernation seduction.

To break silence and offer something I think you might enjoy, I thought I'd introduce you to one of my favorite albums, Vanessa Daou's "Zipless" (below).  I have always found it very erotic music.

It was first introduced to me in my early twenties by the sexiest and most erotic man I had ever known.  Being I was so young, the time table of experimentation in that "known" department was rather small but he set the stage for my search for eroticism in my life versus sex in my life. Through this early erotic relationship down in South Beach back in the early '90s I got my first dose of mature erotic seductions. Who the hell wanted a halo and wings then?  I wasn't in line.   

A current painting I'm working on - well, still in its drawing stage and I don't have a photo momentarily - was developed in my mind while listening to this album lost in that mental freedom one gets in a zone out mode.  So, since real life leaves me currently speechless because I have so much to process right now (and the holidays haven't really even officially started yet), let's listen to good sexy tunes and forget the real world.  I like the words as well.

The first song sets the mood well for the rest of the album. I've been listening to these tunes for twenty years.  Enjoy. 

Update: The Erotic Museum and my art

the erotic art, the photo album and the response

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I had some unexpected challenges during and after my Vegas trip that almost broke me.  I mentioned the general disappointment I had on various levels on a previous blog post.  Yes, I fly like Superwoman but even us super females get taken down here and there but you push through or give up -- and that seemed part of the journey. There was a huge load of pressure to do two shows within 8 weeks and I had to do it mostly without the help or support I had originally depended on, but then, when I took this idea on it was May 2016, almost a year before delivery. A lot had changed in my life during that time and I wasn't prepared for the unexpected details and the large pressures but bravo, made it. 

Art Porn, Savannah, March 2015 

Art Porn, Savannah, March 2015 

Back It Up, Savannah, June 2017

Back It Up, Savannah, June 2017

Both collections, Las Vegas, July 2017

Both collections, Las Vegas, July 2017

The good news is that it's all been worked out and I've been truly thankful for the hard work of the museum staff, plus, I'm proud of my pushing forward.  The level of education this whole road trip/show/life experience has brought is priceless so, all good and well on the front of dealing with personal fears and surviving them while dealing with professional challenges and conquering those.  I had to make some important choices about why this is worth it. That's my Vegas story in a nutshell, though I do want to share some fun experiences I had, which I'll do on the blog in the coming weeks. 

Inside the museum 

Inside the museum 

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So far the response on the show, the art itself, has continued to be truly uplifting, pardon the pun.   I've received great comments about how fantastic the art is, mostly via personal emails and contact, and a few via social media. Various adjectives are repeated, "beautiful", "sexy", "erotic", and one person called the work "raw".  I'll compile a list.  Everyone is drawn to it from a slightly different perspective, which is awesome because that's what sexuality is, different for everyone. Personally, as the artist, I like to hear those perspectives.  

Important Links :

  • Here's the Erotic Heritage Museum website so you can learn about them and see my feature on their webpage, which I'm very grateful for and thrilled about. I'm in the exhibits section and mentioned on the blog. The director, Victoria Hartmann, Ph. D. is working on creating more educational programming to locals and visitors so I think it's a worthy newsletter signup or bookmark, at least. Their most active social media platform is Twitter @EroticMuseumLV.
  • Here's the link to the Back It Up show in Savannah.  I noticed the link was password protected when I sent out my last email. I thought I removed it so pardon I missed that.  If you didn't make it to that show, view the art online anytime.
  • Here's the link to the Back It Up art itself, and Art Porn if you haven't seen that.
  • Please pass on these art links to anyone you think might enjoy them, buy them or anyone visiting Vegas. The show is up til Sept 30th.
  • Belong to my newsletter?  Sign up for special posts, info and events.

I've been thinking about the next way to go with the sexual art, the 3rd edition of Art Porn.  I have some ideas but they need more time to formulate, which is good: I'm exhausted.

I'll leave you with a chuckle from Las Vegas. :)

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"Back It Up" Erotica Art is now posted online

It has been so long since I blogged, I forgot how to type. 

Since my return from the Las Vegas trip for my exhibition of ArtPorn and its continuation, Back It Up, I've dealt with some rather big disappointments that put me under a rock for August.   I can't keep in the dark so out I come for a little while to pour some light into my soul. 

My experience at the museum was -- there were challenges, let's just say.  Part of me is angry about them and the other says "fuck it", I mean, really, just fuck it.  Nothing is perfect and I knew going in there were red flags but I went on anyway.  Do you know how I can express it for you so you'll understand?  Like this: 

You go somewhere, feel bad vibes, don't listen, boom something bad happens.

You meet someone, feel a weird feeling in your stomach, a doubt of some kind, you ignore it because hey, you finally got to X point, it's just fear, boom something bad happens.

You get in that car, you feel off that moment you get into it, yet drive anyway, boom something bad happens. 

Point made, I think. 

Here I am feverishly fixing damaged art. :(

So there were flags and iffy feelings about my Vegas trip and some bad stuff happened. I got through it.  "This is a test", said the Voice. Then I came home to more challenges and down it all went into a slip and slide.  I have so much on me right now, I'm not into saying much because I can't tell if my feelings are hijacking my logic.  Silence is best about the full experience for now. 

All this said, I do want to highlight that my paintings look fucking amazing on the wall of the museum and I love them and I am super proud of them and I'm loving these photos of me in front of them. And I have great legs.

(I only had a cell phone camera - sadly - so pardon the fuzzy pics but they're still great I think)

And, these comments below made me so happy to see on Twitter because there is no greater joy than knowing the art was loved, and this proves it.  After 3 years and thousands of dollars to achieve this grand display wall, I accept the compliment, thank you.  

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.... "Was the show successful?", many asked. Define "successful". If success means art sales, not yet: it's still up for a month.  If success means dealing with a shitload of challenges that almost broke me to get this far and to get the work up for cell photos like these, then yes, the show is absolutely successful. I did this.  Me.  And I drove to 4,400 miles across America round trip to make these photos, to show how far I've come and gone for this art collection. Passion hangs on those walls.

Since many of you haven't seen the exhibition and won't in person (hangs til Sept 30th), I have finally posted the paintings to view online. Enjoy. 

- Tatiana von Tauber

 

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Tag the museum via @eroticmuseumLV