New Art: Hindsight

What better ideas to pair than “Hindsight” and the New Year?

This painting jolted from me earlier in December. I’ve been focused to finish it before the year’s end to coincide with this new beginning called 2019. Yes, it’s only a new year but think of it, you have the gift of one. A family death last year still has me frozen from the reality of how quickly someone you love is there and how unfairly they can be taken away. One second and life is different. You have your own story. Death and loss are real, the black omen in the garden we ignore.

So “Hindsight” grew from that concept, the one that makes us so confused in our supposed, forward direction. We are in fact, actually turned backwards to the clarity. Our future turns out quite bright in hindsight, however, the road to get there is hardly ever so sunny or clear, as most of us know. The point, I think, is simply to keep proper perspective and keep moving forward with faith because in the end, that’s all that has our back.

As you reflect on your past year, I hope you’ve grown to know new perspectives and thus, grow new gardens and opportunities as a result.

Happy 2019 and much joy to you all!

Tatiana von Tauber

View more artwork on my website.

Reflections on a Body of Work, art in 2018

“Floored”, oil on canvas, 2018

“Floored”, oil on canvas, 2018

A terribly difficult year is about to end and I couldn’t be happier. Not that I need a New Year to refresh my perspective but this year my changes need a good, solid reset button.  Why not add the champagne?

When I went over the art works I completed this year and I about fell over in self shame.  I won’t discuss my personal disappointment with low production.  I’m certain my recent challenges are justified in such failure but in competing with myself, 2018 was a downer. There will be no December show this year.

However, other good things will come about instead.  I’m going for a February show instead but not specifically ART PORN themed because I won’t be able to make enough paintings for it.  I posted some new works on my website recently, some of which will be included in the new show unless I kick ass here soon and create replacements. I also have two large paintings I was working on this spring and haven’t been able to return to them so I hope they will find themselves on a wall completed by February as well. Lastly, I am currently working on a new piece I began this week- because I just had to. I had an idea and needed to get it down before I forgot or lost excitement for it. I boxed up the oil paints that had given me so much trouble this year and pulled out my acrylics and I’m truly loving having my artistic process back, something familiar and somewhat comfortable. My process just doesn’t work the same way with oil paint. What an interesting and frustrating discovery.

While I attempted to continue in my ART PORN vision for the next show, I found it difficult to produce those images this year.  I didn’t like any of my results for my ART PORN themes and that’s awful, when the artist doesn’t like their own work.  In frustration I simply painted what I felt driven towards even when it didn’t make sense – and a lot of it didn’t.  However, when I look at the totality of what I created this year, I see what I needed to see and feel this year wasn’t meant to be a show for others but rather a display for my own eyes.

When living and creating through intuitive processes, the level of self-trust required is elite and it’s just plain difficult, I won’t lie.  In my case, I give myself a gold medal because it was excruciating not succeeding in creating any ART PORN paintings to completion while knowing week after week that I was in no way going to be able to create the show I wanted to because I wasn’t producing enough good work — and, I can’t really explain why they weren’t good enough other than they felt off.  Trusting the creative process when the direction you’re going isn’t making sense is the most difficult thing to surrender to.  I really tried very hard to go into the ART PORN direction but it didn’t work.  Every painting was such a struggle and a place of negative emotion that the paintings and the process itself just wasn’t satisfying on any level.  I had to stop. Instead I followed other visions, an intuitive voice rather than my “this is what I’m supposed to do” voice and focused on how art needs to make me feel rather than on how art needs to feed my goal based objectives. That is, in fact, the original source of ART PORN’s creation back in 2015.

I’m pleased with the results of this year’s paintings both individually and as a body of work for the year but I didn’t finish too much so I can’t show them and there isn’t the kind of cohesiveness you know from me. What is most bold and delightful however, is seeing the large technical improvement in my art skills. This lends me to further exploring my creativity.

Dec 2018, “Dangerous Woman”, oil on canvas, 12x16 inches

Dec 2018, “Dangerous Woman”, oil on canvas, 12x16 inches

Only when I surrender to this strange inner pull (or slap) and take the time needed for my creative process does my art come out beautiful to me. That process requires as much thinking/reflection time as it does research time as it does painting time. Ultimately all that equals alone time and too much alone time in the middle of managing life’s unexpected traumas is a recipe for bad mental states. I found new survival skills to cope this year but they didn’t involve a lot of personal art time, which usually is my personal savior.

I spent the majority of my days this year teaching art and running life drawing classes while taking as many workshops as possible. This allowed me to not dive too deep internally and focus on the surface areas that needed improvement. As a result, I’ve been bathing in art, just not “mine”. That’s about to change!

Since I have grown as a person, I’ve also grown as an artist.  I definitely feel a shift in my artistic direction but not a drastic one.  I think I’m in a place where I will hone my vision. It’s a good goal for 2019. That and more completed art work! :)

- TvT

New Art: "ShowTime"

I’ve finished the peacock painting I've been working on the past 3* months. I'm happy she's done and I can finally post something new after too many months of nothing.  I worked hard to not compromise her quality for wanting to get her done before December's end. 

"Showtime", acrylic on canvas, 24" x 30"

"Showtime", acrylic on canvas, 24" x 30"

This painting developed when I was sketching out some possible ideas from photo references.  I was in the beginning of reigniting my erotic zone of thought and vision for a new show. I wanted to begin with something simple (it wasn’t), approachable and mostly, something I could use to promote the subsequent work which would most likely be banned from most social media and marketing options due to (intended but not necessarily promised) pornographic content. So far I've not painted a cock just peacocks. 

The peacock feathers were an attempt at establishing a representation of "The Look", a concept from Being and Nothingness by Jean Paul-Sartre.  I've been fascinated by the concept from the moment I learned about it in college philosophy class. It's turned up in my art over the years and I keep going back to it.  It's simply the object-subject dynamic. There will always be an object to look at as there will be a subject to look and then there will be an emotional response. Think voyeur-exhibitionist or audience-performer.  Sartre goes on to describe how when we become conscious of the fact that we are being looked at, we become aware that we are in fact, objects to the other.  This, of course, affects the way we view and thus behave for ourselves and the other. Very simplified version there.

I don't follow into Sartre's depths of existential despair but this concept of looking, observing and the interaction of the object and the subject has often caught my attention and intrigue.  We look and pass through momentary changes of emotion based on that "look" of and by others all the time.  I am mostly intrigued by the performance - the "show" -  and the willful exchanges that come with that more than the peeking voyeur exchange and emotion.  I think Sartre sits in that domain more, the voyeur peeking through the keyhole and the "subject" and "object" getting caught and the emotion aroused by that catch.  I'm more interested in the examination of a willful look exchange.

When it clicked that the peacock feathers looked like eyes, I thought it would be the best representation of this look concept surrounding this nice, latex shined ass, which is the objectified focal point.  Within that objectification space, it is valued (or judged) by the subject.  The value is relative to the development of the subject's psyche but the act of placing a value on the object is human nature. The moment we look, we emotionally respond. That can be a mighty moment. 

Looks like "Showtime" to me!

 

*correction from 2 months. i went back to my records and I began her early November. why is time so quick in hindsight?