Kavanaugh, Character & Whorehood

(this post is the continuation of my Kavanaugh views from my previous post. )

Regarding Kavanaugh, I quote this (though there were a bunch of great articles I could quote from, this one sums it up both about him and the US President):

At a campaign rally in Mississippi on Tuesday night, Trump openly mocked Ford’s testimony. The display was condemned by three Republican senators — Susan Collins (Maine), Lisa Murkowski (Alaska) and Jeff Flake (Arizona) — who are seen as swing votes.

“There’s no time and no place for remarks like that,” Flake said on NBC’s “Today” show. “To discuss something this sensitive at a political rally is just not right. It’s just not right. I wish he hadn’t done it. I just say it’s kind of appalling.”

“The president’s comments were just plain wrong,” Collins said.

After an initial review of the FBI report, Collins told reporters that it appeared “to be a very thorough investigation.” Flake said the same, adding that he saw no additional corroborating evidence to substantiate the allegations against the nominee.

Meanwhile, more than 1,200 law professors have signed a letter opposing Kavanaugh’s confirmation, arguing that during last week’s hearings he “displayed a lack of judicial temperament that would be disqualifying for any court.” (emphasis is mine) (source)

One thousand two hundred law professors are a lot of legal minds to pass concerned judgment over a few handfuls of “experts” in the Judiciary Committee and of course, Donald Duck himself. It is only on faith we may support the idea that the FBI interviews were “very thorough”.

I watched the hearings. I felt Ford, her pain and struggle. She didn’t convince me her assailant was in fact Kavanaugh but she definitely experienced sexual assault (though, honestly, drunken teens in the 80s it may have sincerely been more horseplay than assault but her assailant, whoever it was, didn’t rape her and fact is, who knows if that was an intent. Maybe the intent was not even intended to be more than dumb teens fucking around so, while she was in fact rightfully fearful, there’s no way to know that the assailant was in fact going to rape her or just fuck with her head so to speak — and he did succeed in that point, we must agree there). Ford brought heroism to America and real heroes are those who take the risks because it’s for the greater good, not for titles, praise or fame. Her testimony was compelling and riveting. I waited to hear Kavanaugh with an open mind. He deserved that; we all do. Within five minutes of his opening statements, I felt totally stunned by his outcries. Just shocked he displayed himself so angry and accusatory - as a judge! Isn’t he supposed to show he can rise above the commoners and walk the tight rope like a professional? Ford did.

If you read my last post, you know I oppose Kavanaugh but not necessarily because he committed, maybe, a sexual assault. We don’t know he did factually and so in fairness, being we are in America, he must be taken as innocent and proven guilty. It’s the right thing to do on the foundation of our Constitutional gifts even if it may feel very wrong for some citizens. One can’t just “believe her” and make assumptions. Sure protest and be heard but seriously realize that beliefs are not facts in law terms and it has to be this way. Constitutional laws are in place to protect everyone, not just your views. The deeper problem isn’t if he’s guilty or not at this point in time; but Kavanaugh’s very character is flawed in so that he reeks of beer and disorientation of what “good character” looks like from a truly strong, honest and honorable man vantage point.

Alcohol forces your inhibitions down and nothing pushes people into their fantasy zone faster. If you want to fuck up, drink too much. It’s a guarantee, except, the depth of your fuck up is the unknown variable. So, we know this and thus shouldn’t expect Kavanaugh to have behaved better in a time pre-MeToo movement. He’s grandfathered in so to speak. However!

Kavanaugh’s demeanor during the hearing was unbecoming of an honorable, disciplined, compassionate, sympathetic, intelligent man. It was difficult to sympathize with his misfortune the same way I sympathized with Ford’s misfortune. The Supreme Court demands an honorable demeanor because it is the most honorable seat. He couldn’t even fake his demeanor. Do you understand this? He couldn’t rise above it and fake it.

Women are good at faking it because that is what we all must do to get ahead at some point in our lives. For some it’s rarely or occasionally and for others it’s often. We, as in women, deal with so much male bullshit that we bathe in hot tubs and pretty perfume so we may smell of flowers rather than the shit stink manifested in all sorts of creative ways upon us. There’s always a new generation that isn’t into the bathing, smelling pretty path of faking it. They don’t want to fake it so they’re saying fuck it instead, fuck you to be more exact, I think. They are rebels and we all need a dose of rebel yell to shake up the monotony of life’s yes-men (or women). If this didn’t happen, most of America really wouldn’t know or care about who Kavanaugh was. Agree or not, this made us all think deeper about a variety of important issues facing Americans today.

If a woman displayed Kavanaugh’s demeanor in a hot-seat situation, she’d be devoured by ridicule, played as too weak to take the pressures of the job. She would be - unfortunately - a false testament to how “emotional” women are and thus unfit to serve. I’m no fan of Hillary Clinton but if she acted this way, she would just never live that down. She would have broken all the power she took years to cultivate. And, in the process, sadly I say this, but she wouldn’t make women look any better than our stereotype. The same holds true for Anita Hill or any woman put before a group of men asking loads of testing questions. So how did Kavanaugh make good men actually look good?

I simply didn’t see in Kavanaugh, the kind of man worthy of a lifetime appointment on the United States Supreme Court, the final word of the land. Kavanaugh did lie under oath before and his emotional outburst was difficult to witness. He dodged questions, was rather rude and obnoxious and was a complete turn off to me. I couldn’t tell if he was authentically hurting, acting or just stuck in puberty like a little lost blame-it-on-others boy. I felt he embarrassed himself. I cringed from it. I spoke with a Republican friend of mine and he felt totally the opposite of me. It’s hard to argue the perspective in the way one sees another because we skew our perspective to suit our visions. I’m not right or wrong; I’m just an embodiment of a particular view that suits the way I view the privilege of serving on the highest court in our country. Step it up if it you want the highest step. I simply expect more but for others, there isn’t more to expect. Ultimately, our expectations determine the kind of life we end up creating. Unity is a tough road for us all.

***I said I’d not discuss this til the vote was over. I am impatient on this and very busy the next week and won’t get back to this for several weeks. I expect Kavanaugh to be voted in now that two of the senators stated a yes vote. It’s not a huge disappointment because I expected this but I was hoping he would at least not get voted in due to his expression of character so that surprises me and disappoints me but politicians usually do… so back to my painting corner I go, a world that makes sense to me. Plus, I picked up a new book to tell you about in the near future. It’s about the history of prostitution aka whorehood if you were wondering how I folded that word into the title. :) It should be interesting to add that info to the history of pornography knowledge I’ve gained. ***

Book Review: "Are Men Necessary?"

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So, are men necessary?  That’s the question a book title asked me and you're right: I was sucked in.

According to Maureen Dowd, author of “Are Men Necessary? When Sexes Collide”, ah, well men are not necessarily necessary and there’s quite a bit of evidence to support it!

The most notable reason is biological: the Y chromosome is shrinking (138), apparently like the egos of the masculine men in the subsequent age of the feminist takeover. 

The book is a tongue in cheek representation of feminist views that makes good points among the rhetoric of feminist dogma and philosophy.  Don’t get me wrong as I believe in women’s rights and first on that list is freedom of reproductive choice and health.  However, my feminist views don't fall in line with common feminist views (as in this book) and so I read the book purely for information worth noting, so I'll focus there.

Let's begin

The best segment of “Are Men Necessary?” was on the Y chromosome.  According to several doctors, experts, research and studies, the Y chromosome is not only shrinking literally but there have been several reproductive miracles from technological advances that have proven males are not needed for reproduction. At all. We know of the cloned sheep but more striking, Japanese scientists created a 'perfectly normal female mouse without using a male at all...it's not cloning.  They took the egg from one mouse, and then instead of mouse sperm, they took the DNA from another egg.  Bingo!', said Dr. Sykes, a leading British researcher on sex chromosomes (141). Mouse cock not needed. Imagine what this must do the the Mouse King? Certainly this shakes things up a bit.  Maybe Virgin Mary was in fact, a sweet tight one. The idea of artificial insemination by aliens is more realistic than the Bible version but we can debate that later.  Clearly, males were simply the prototype.

A few experts discussed a world without men and ultimately led to how it couldn’t really work in the idealistic “Wonder Woman/Diana Huntress” way we might imagine because "there's always a subgroup that becomes the aggressors" (145). Hence, in this case, aggressor females would essentially be “replacing” the males and their aggression. In other words, there is no stopping the natural order of control and submission. Even if we think equality, as in team effort, there still has to be less Chiefs than Indians or it doesn’t work so someone has to be in charge.  Therefore, in short, a world full of lesbians would eventually create a subgroup of “male-like” females and in that case, why rid of the males?  Gender isn't the problem.  Sex and communication and responsibility are actually the core weak points.  

Clearly the idea of an all female planet isn’t realistic on many levels but it does feed the mind the thought experiment of what if men did not exist?  Besides less lies and porn (we think), would it be more peaceful and frolicy? Would there be less violence and sports bars? Sex would surely be different.  The Lesbian Planet is ultimately what we would have, which suits, well, lesbians.  One researcher posits that eventually a new kind of gender would come about, this synthesized being of female egg and female egg. Being society is digesting the male/female/trans gender debate, why not bring on a new challenge to keep it interesting?  

The Cosmo Girl and the Modern Boy

It is men who make me feel like a woman.  Women make me feel like a friend and a mom peer.  There is no debate on this one.

What often leaves me disappointed is this continuous feminist discussion that leads to the subtle hit of the pretty girl or the one who likes to be a girly girl and thus the one who likes to give out to boys because pretty and girly and slut are apparently synonymous with each other.  The author drew an interesting vision for her readers when discussing Helen Curly Brown, the former long time editor of Cosmo magazine (back in the days when I still read it and at the height of its success).  Dowdy pointed to how devoted feminists in the 80s were on Capitol Hill fighting for women’s rights - for example, in the middle of the Anita Hill and Clarence Thomas trials - and Brown’s magazine merely suggested a myriad of ways to “please your man” and how to entice the inner sex kitten to come out and play with him.  While written as respectfully as possible, the subtle hints of Brown’s girly support as “less than” was evident. Though the author mentioned Glamour magazine as headed into the sex crazed and sex selling genre following suit to Cosmo, it was not the case when I was reading it in the 80s that I can recall. I was a magazine collector to put it mildly.  It's all I had available pre-Internet days along with books to gain an education outside the boredom-sphere of public school education.  

I had a choice of Glamour magazine, created for “smart girls” called feminists and then Cosmo magazine, created for the “pretty girls” called potential sluts I learned later (the advertising didn’t come out that way in my mind back when I began buying them at 14 years old).  In reading both magazines regularly (I also read Discover Mag, National Geography, Conde Naste Traveler, the Enquirer and more), I eventually dumped Glamour in favor of Cosmo because the male bashing was thrown into every chance it could be.  I held the same view as Brown, Cosmopolitan's editor, that sexuality played a vital role in our relationships with men and that sex and being pretty was fun and worth exploring. 

Screw the grimacing feminists of Glamour magazine and the dirt they often saw around the male view doing little than throwing blame - and I considered myself a feminist but I didn't consider myself a feminist because I blamed men.  I considered myself a feminist because I was in favor of female reproductive and health choices as female rights and ultimately, that's the card women cannot ever give away again.  All else is negotiable. 

It’s not that those typical male views weren't true in action to women across the nation but it’s that many feminists didn’t seem to know how to take those male advances or sexualized views and embrace or reform them for their better good. Instead they dismissed, judged and shunned the sexuality behind them, and with it, a subgroup of women who basically catered to it.  I’m not suggesting that asshole men don't exist or that "boys will be boys" is the response for stupid, immature behavior but there have been truly few assholes in my life who have been males who have fit the mold of what feminists claimed men were like.  I found it confusing because I wondered where these men were?! 

Relationships themselves in general are the asshole of our lives, not a specific gender.  And truly, no matter what gender, we all want some sexual or feel good or loving attention.  This is human nature.  To downplay it is downplaying a human need for a balance of emotion that makes us healthier and usually happier.  

To quote the Cosmo editor herself:

"I was accused of hurting the cause [feminist movement] because I was still talking about women as though they were sex objects.  But to be a sex object is a wonderful thing and you're to be pitied if you aren't one... I have this possibly benighted idea that when a man finds you sexually attractive, he is paying you a compliment...when he doesn't, that's when you have to worry"(172).

I agree. However, I do want to make note that "sex object" today is a far cry from what it was back in the 70s and 80s when Brown described it.  (Research into more modern porn has been an eye opener which I'll discuss in future posts)

The last notable section of the book I want to bring up (though there are more, just not as interesting for me to write about) is then Men's Health Magazine editor in chief, David Zinczenko's comments about how men, confused by feminism, are becoming less masculine and more feminized: 

"Society sends men confusing signals.  Society tells men to be more like women, more sensitive, more caring, more thoughtful. And you know what happens then?  They end up in 'Styles of the Times' in stories about why men are becoming more like women, ordering wine by the glass as well as the bottle"(184).

Ed Needham, Maxim's then editor, however, describes men as simpler: "Eating, sex and sports are the Europe, Asia and Americas of the male mental map.  That doesn't leave a lot of room for much else" (185).

I agree there too.  

In Conclusion

It’s wonderful for a man to love and admire a woman.  It really is, and vice versa. Ultimately each have strengths and weaknesses built up from evolution of our biology and our culture, so not everything we dislike about the opposite sex can change.  However, there’s something to be said about the value of getting wet for a man who can love and fuck too, one who can balance the caring with the masculinity that makes his Y chromosome worthy in the first place. That's just as much pressure on males as females have to be a porn stars in the bedroom and Madonnas in the public-sphere.

I fear one unfortunate direction we may be headed into in the long term based on all this science and evolutionary change is men will be "downsized" to less than and as such, their innate masculine testosterone aggression – their fight for their place in this world and dominated by their own flood of hormones and genetics – will eventually seep into culture as perhaps it has seeped already via slices of modern day Internet pornography, specifically. No debate porn is growing in violent and degrading exhibitions towards women and it's worth pondering that in part, it may be an unconscious reaction males desire a place to express the masculine-power feminism has boxed inside them further than society itself has.  Don't blame it ALL on the porn industry when it is the private consumer who decides what ultimately gets produced and what doesn't.  

Will the modern male come to learn what it means to be a "weaker", second sex themselves or to be put down and used? Outside dominatrix quarters, it doesn't happen much, does it, that men are "put into place"? Maybe now it is more so with the #metoo movement but we also face a very touchy and sensitive society these days that it's hard to tell who was getting revenge for past mistakes and who was actually in the wrong.  I am not defending the assholes but remember, women can be bitches so take your pick on the gender scale. I'm equal on shitty people here. Gender makes no difference there.

How best to exert this growing male subordination (and the unconscious anger behind it) but to act out violently via sex through a Millennial Pornography Lens onto women or to humiliate or degrade the very femaleness that seems to lure men in like a siren’s call but acts out like a black widow onto them?  Men are in a precarious position. 

Perhaps there is a Karmic spirit for the females but I like men for their masculinity and women for their femininity and clear strength and superiority over men (childbirth and motherhood).  Why would a woman want to be a man when the right man can cater to her inner woman?  Maybe what we need to look into is what defines a female being, looking like and feeling like a woman rather than just being female? 

In porn, men have a place to outlet their Y chromosome bullshit.  It has been proven that more porn consumption lowers rape practice and not the other way around.  Men need sex and women are taught to not need sex but modern times shows they cater to their own sexual objectification more and more (i.e. sexting, porn live cams, loose attitudes on sex and hooking up, etc. )  Women don't go around raping men: women seduce them. As anthropologist Helen Fisher, author and expert on love and mating said, "...every time a man is sleeping around, he is sleeping around with a woman.  It's basic math..." (141). What I'm saying is that heterosexual women need men because ultimately they need what men offer and what they offer is different for each one; however, the baseline is feel-good-attention that revolves around Human Sexuality.  Females have enough friends, thanks.  Furthermore, female friends' compliments don't go as deep as the guy's compliments and that's because the opposite sex adds the erotic element all females need to feel like an extra dose of woman.  Girl looks pretty, guy gets hard, they have sex, life is good (total reality until the kids come). 

Yes, men are very much needed.  Their lies and bullshit aren’t but that’s not a male thing.  That’s a relationship thing and it extends to all of us so let’s call it out where it truly sits. Until technology takes over our bodies and minds for clear benefits or Borg-like control, we still need each other in our utmost humanity in its physical form.  For some, it is primal and primal often equates to some form of aggression or control (or surrender and submission).  Really we are tapping into the humanity of our sexual selves. What is needed more than the discussion about our need for each other is lessons on communication between the two, both inside and outside the bedroom. Now that's a harsh "C" word for any relationship, female or male.

Next up, do we need pornography as much as we need men?  I’ll be reviewing “The Porning of America” by Carmine Sarracino and Kevin M. Scott next. It's the best book I’ve read since my review of "Sex at Dawn" (an even better book).

Hope I offered some interesting thoughts for you to ponder today. Back to painting I go. 

tvt 

Welcome to the New world

So, another year ends.  That always brings a variety of thoughts and emotions to people.  For some it's just another day and for others it's the first day of the rest of their lives (or the first few weeks of effort).

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It's been a difficult year for me personally and for the first time (and last) I'll touch on exactly why.  Heavy stuff: this is the year I accepted my marriage has ended and the family I fought to give my best to didn't make it through the challenges we've been given.  Truthfully, I couldn't have given more of myself or my efforts and upon that realization I hit the wall. I found love had a boundary.  We all have a boundary but sometimes we don't know where it sits and we continue on even with the challenges' pains until we find it hurts too much, until it awakens us and forces change. 

2017 has been about managing emotions, accepting the end of a passionate marriage spanning one and a half decades and restructuring my life's plan because starting over at midlife wasn't in that plan.  I could be angry (and I was for a little while) but I think the best lesson here is sometimes people grow apart and to truly honor the another person and the self is sometimes to set each other free.  If you cannot grow together you must grow apart or you will wilt. 

Sometimes the best answer is the one we don't want but need.  In marital vows we tend to hold on to the romanticism, our history and the commitment's dream of the story rather than face the reality the story truly offers.  Life is a twisty-turvy adventure that society manages to fuck up with its straight arrow views.  It's all a damn roller coaster ride: life, marriage, family, parenting.  Nothing prepared me. And that's the perhaps what makes life so interesting. How boring would the straight path be?  Depends on what adventure and life mean to you.  Everyone's story is unique but the generalizations are all the same: love, health, finances, spirituality.  What did I miss?  It's always different than "they" say so listen to yourself and follow your intuition.     

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Michael and I were a beautiful love story led by passion and intuition and with that I know it was right because it led me to some fantastic experiences; however,  unexpectedly we had a time limit and thus this love story turned into one volume on the shelf of my life's library. It took a lot of grief and growth to get to that simplified and elegant sentence. I'm clearing rumors and offering my words on the matter. The unique story is mine and I will not share it perhaps ever, but on the generalizations, I am maritally separated and a divorce is imminent, just like a good number of friends of mine at this stage in their lives. We can view that as a sad mid-life reality or we can view it as an empowering new journey, a gift. 

My main focus is raising my youngest child well and to continue evolving as an artist and person.  I've honestly struggled to keep focused on the painting this year, very disappointed with how much I didn't do but keep in mind that I did accomplish a lot and I did finish all the art for my Back It Up art show and my exhibition at the Erotic Heritage Museum this summer. Plus, I drove cross country and connected to the beauty and misery of what America is.  I'm very grateful I took such a journey (thanks to a great friend who joined me) because it altered some of my views and opened up my mind and I think it helped bring me to a solid place despite an uncertain future ahead.  I expect these elements to turn up in my paintings.

This year I managed to keep myself as happy and positive as possible despite the major life changes and I didn't give into the "quit" seductions whispered in my ear by fear itself.  Honestly, it's hard to get right back on the saddle of artistic creation when something so big and consuming as a big art show and marriage are over, (that almost deserves a "duh") so we'll see how I regroup and refocus and perform artistically in this new year.  I see greatness ahead and I'm happy the holidays are about over so I can focus on what must be done.

So, to continue on a positive note, this is what will keep me going in 2018:

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-    I've been developing some very awesome art pieces in my mind, a bit different from what I have been doing, much of it dictated by storytelling and the influences Savannah has had on me and I'm feeling very compelled to go there but apprehensive at the same time. These new paintings will challenge my skills because the backgrounds would need detail work. That's usually a big wall for me but I think it's time to climb over it. My cathedral painting that I'm still working on in its grisaille layer and that can be tracked on my Instagram, was an exercise in how I could deal with detail work and keep focused. I'm doing well enough to keep going.  I don't love it but it's part of the story so it must be there.  The paintings I dream require it.  

-    Also, I've come to the direction of the new erotica collection. I had several ideas swirling for months and it began falling together - kind of suddenly so I know it's time. I'm excited to see how this paints out. Of course, this means I have to research images. Not sure I can do it.  I haven't looked at porn since late spring so it's almost like going back into the muck to find the pearls. ;)  

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-     The work in progress art piece to your left will probably be the first  of the new collection.  I'm struggling with the peacock feathers but the title "Showtime" feels right. I had hope to have it done by the New Year but that didn't happen so the new timeline is mid January.

-     I've been looking at the calendar trying to see when I can realistically put seven to ten paintings together for a local show unless I reach for something bigger, which feels daunting actually.  I'm months off track for this already.  There's no real hurry but there's momentum and when that's lost it's extra difficult to step back up into it so I'm looking to set some ambitious yet realistic deadlines to keep myself going. I know the moment I choose a date, I'm committed and you know what that feels like, don't you?  Commitment?  It's when the adrenaline hits.  

I haven't made any resolutions other than "Do what must be done and do it everyday". As a goal oriented person, I'm always making new "resolutions" and modifying them through the year.  I am always aware where I am on my journey.  What must be done is different than last year or the year before.  What must be done will be done and the results have to show it and that's what you will see.  End of story.  

I'm wishing you all a wonderful New Year and all the good things life can bring. I'm moving forward into a new mindset this year which is both frightening and exhilarating and I welcome you to follow along in this new stage in my life because I think I'm going to some good places.  I'm stepping it up mostly because I cut my own strings, found self love and got into the driver's seat of my own life not just the car. Through that view, 2017 has been very successful indeed.  Perspective is everything and perspective is what we can control.  May you control yours and thus yourself.

A very Happy New Year to you!

Tatiana vT

Silence and Passion: golden advice

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When I paint, I usually do so in silence.  I love silence.  I usually only listen to music when I begin and there's not too much pressure on me yet; when the strokes are gestured and flowing and relatively instinctual.  I continue this way until I finish with the under painting, though my method is a bit different than traditional under painting. Nonetheless,  I’m surprised how anyone could paint an entire painting with music. Amazed actually.  

Music in the background is extremely distracting from my thoughts because eventually it takes over and I begin to sing and/or dance with it and then I mess up on the painting OR it begins to transform in sound from enjoyable tunes to nail scratches on a chalkboard, wherein I become irritated and mess up on the painting that way. This happens with soft relaxing tunes as well, though I can handle those for several hours before I go crazy.  I'm the same when I write.  I need silence to think and process. I don't like other people's "stuff" in my mind for too long. It’s therapy time for me too in a way.  

I find painting a constant push and pull of “I love how this is going” to “omg, I hate painting”.   Of course I don’t hate painting.  I hate the mirror of seeing how not good enough I am compared to how good enough I keep trying to be.  I think this is a lifetime problem so I don’t dwell on it but use it as a way to keep working on getting better. 

Someone once told me that silence was golden.  I liked silence then but really didn’t get it.  After 20 years of raising kids, I’d like to announce that I understand what “silence is golden” means.  Golden means “fucking amazing”.  When it’s paired up with painting time, I could think of no better way to spend the rest of my life, each and everyday.  My paintings keep me going when nothing else does, even when I’m frustrated by their progression and want to give up, because I really don't.  I just want the painting process to flow, that's all, and I can't control that so there are many life lessons in discipline and commitment here too.  No one can make my paintings but me.  No one.  So I have to step up or quit. That’s pretty awesome and valuable. 

Speaking of valuable… I offered some valuable advice to a fellow artist recently that I’ll share with you.  It can be adapted to most anyone facing fears of being vulnerable “out there”:

"Stockings" from Back It Up collection

"Stockings" from Back It Up collection

I had an artist write me asking advice about dealing with being an erotica artist, the judgment, shame and vulnerability, etc. He mentioned how he had found passion for this type of painting and wanted to do it but he had to hide his paintings at night and work on them secretly.  Yep, I know. Been there, done that. I told him he just had to get used to it and pursue onward.  

Jumping out there and showing an erotic art collection in Savannah was pretty bold and daring but in my gut it felt like the right thing to do because if no one knows I make this art, success isn’t going to knock on my door and success isn't exactly selling paintings.  Success is broad. So I followed that feeling and that’s the kind of stuff you need to do if you wish to succeed at all, in any way, in the erotic arts or any arts I would imagine.  Everyone will judge you. Everyone. Get used to it and move onward. Their opinion doesn’t count because they have secret fetishes they either do behind closed doors or wish they were doing behind closed doors or they haven't had sex so long, they forgot what it was like to exist behind closed doors; so basically, these opinions come from unhappiness, thus they don't count.  Your work and your commitment to it is what counts and eventually that will be noticed because you stuck to it. Most people don't stick to it but I think you only truly stick it out through the hell when it's valuable enough and that's where passion itself is the gold.  Only passion will really get you through and you only discover it's a passion when you sit on the quit seat and would rather eat root vegetables for dinner then give up.

If it’s a passion, the lack of money and reward from the outside shouldn’t discourage the process of being passionate and continuing in such painting genres, or any artistic endeavor.  If it is money or reward from the outside that drives the passion, “stop” because the judgment and tomato throwing gets harsh and you will eventually give up or break apart. (you might not but it's tough out there)  Certainly there are those who value what I paint, specifically the Art Porn collections, but those are few and out of those, buyers are even fewer.  If you want to paint your passion you have to prove it’s worth caring about.  You have to find your voice and that takes time, effort and many failures.  And lots of judgments.  Get used to them and move on. 

How this relates to painting in silence?  It doesn’t intentionally. Though, I could tie it in with how silent painting for me is what meditation is to a mind.  In that silence I have found myself, my voice, my soul and the self-nurture I need that I can't find any other way.  Not a bad tie in to what was simply a stream of consciousness offering today. :)  

painting in progress

painting in progress

Okay, I’m going back to finishing my painting with peacock feathers, which I really am pushing to finish before December’s end.  The feathers have been challenging so I've been taking a lot of breaks and working on other small works to rest my eyes. 

Keep up with my latest on my Instagram.  Currently I’m counting down my 25 Days of Gratitude – because I need a reminder, and I’m sure you could use a gratitude reminder too. We all can. 

Speechless and Zipless

I don't have anything to write about at this time but I feel the need to pop up from the beginnings of my winter hibernation before I am gone too long.  It's autumn and the need to hide out at home painting is a primal one for me. Safe. Stocked. Comfortable.  

The entire Las Vegas experience, along with its tragic events of the mass shooting recently feel like a surreal whirlwind of really heavy emotional shit.  The season is just right in its hibernation seduction.

To break silence and offer something I think you might enjoy, I thought I'd introduce you to one of my favorite albums, Vanessa Daou's "Zipless" (below).  I have always found it very erotic music.

It was first introduced to me in my early twenties by the sexiest and most erotic man I had ever known.  Being I was so young, the time table of experimentation in that "known" department was rather small but he set the stage for my search for eroticism in my life versus sex in my life. Through this early erotic relationship down in South Beach back in the early '90s I got my first dose of mature erotic seductions. Who the hell wanted a halo and wings then?  I wasn't in line.   

A current painting I'm working on - well, still in its drawing stage and I don't have a photo momentarily - was developed in my mind while listening to this album lost in that mental freedom one gets in a zone out mode.  So, since real life leaves me currently speechless because I have so much to process right now (and the holidays haven't really even officially started yet), let's listen to good sexy tunes and forget the real world.  I like the words as well.

The first song sets the mood well for the rest of the album. I've been listening to these tunes for twenty years.  Enjoy.